Sunday, February 10, 2013

Moving Forward

I'd like to say after days of being sick and mostly lying around watching TV and reading, that I woke up today with a huge burst of energy.  Except, I didn't.  I did manage to find enough energy to wash some clothes, start in on my taxes, and go out and run a few errands.  Even just leaving the house felt weird, because it seemed very bright outside and I had that feeling of trying to remember how to drive, where to go to get things.  I guess it wasn't that bad.  A lot of my Sundays do have some level of auto pilot when I go out, get something for dinner, get a salad for work, do some cleaning up, and put out the garbage cans.

One of the first classes in Cognitive Behavior Therapy that I took at Kaiser, the instructor talked about taking pride in very minor things as a way to feel better about ourselves.  In the midst of depression, it's so easy to think of everything I was doing wrong, and this small idea stuck with me.  So when I do little things like take my garbage out, or pay my bills, I have this small feeling of accomplishment.  Things like washing the sheets, having clean towels, it all adds to my feeling that I'm able to take care of myself, and I'm not sinking into depression.  Even though it's minor and basic, and really, it has to be done anyway, I start feeling good when I've done something of this nature.  And taking my garbage cans out, as a homeowner responsibility, is good.  The first month or so, I just dreaded it because it seemed like a lot to do, with having to make sure I did it on the right day, that I got everything into the cans, into the proper can anyway (don't put the wrong things in recycling!).  But now I'm seemingly getting used to it, and can plan on cleaning out the fridge and cleaning up the floors beforehand to put the garbage into the can.  There were a lot of aspects of home ownership that I was unsure about, and heck, a lot that I'm still not sure what I'm doing, but I feel like I'm at least on top of this small thing.

I still don't feel a hundred percent better, but I definitely feel like I'm ready to get out of the house and go back to work!

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