Sartre May Be Smarter, but Camus Can Do

I don't really try to be the intellectual snob, teacher's pet, head of the class, show off know-it-all but sometimes it just comes out. We read a thing in therapy on Wednesday night, and it had a supposed "quote" from Sartre that wasn't quite right, and the woman reading it didn't know how to pronounce Sartre, so of course, I told her how to. Then it ends with the quote "know thyself" supposedly from Socrates, but I'm pretty sure it was the Oracle of Delphi who said that, not Socrates. So I said that out loud, and realized, damn, I am a show off know-it-all. Oh well.

I have spent years working in semi-corporate America really dumbing myself down, not making references to things that I think "most people" won't understand. I know I've slipped up, like the time I talked to my former boss about the worker's revolution and how Marx prophesied that one day the workers will have to overturn the ruling class. This in the context of me discussing my job in relation to the CEOs of the company (which I'm sure is not what Marx had in mind). I've had the same problem when I use words that have more than three syllables, people just look at me like I'm some sort of alien.

My dental appointment was kind of annoying, mostly because I have this "bacteria pocket" or something in the back of my mouth, and the hygenist kept poking and poking at it. It was excruciating after about 30 seconds, but I have heard that I'm more sensitive to dental pain than some people (according to the actual dentist). Every once in a while, she would ask me if it was okay, and what could I say? I knew it had to be done. I even let them stick some anti-bacterial thing back there in the hopes it would kill the infection, all the while doubting my dental insurance will actually cover it.

And today, I get to blow out of work at 1:30 for my eye doctor appointment. In my ideal world, they would give me prescriptions for both contacts and eyeglasses and I could get them both supplied to me instantly and they would totally be free. Um, yeah.

Sorry in Advance

I really should just make a category for PMS because I'm pretty sure that's part of why I feel like crap this week. Oh yeah that and my contacts (that are at least 4 months old, that is, I have been wearing them for 4 months, and they are 1 month contacts) have finally given up the ghost and they spent the last two days hurting the hell out of my eyes. And my one pair of glasses is broken, well the right lens keeps popping out. So I'm kind of SOL when it comes to vision correction. I do have an appointment on Friday. When I called on Monday, they were all you can either come in right now or on Friday. I knew I couldn't make the right now appointment and I figured a few days wouldn't be too bad. I hope. I probably will be well-served by keeping my contacts out for a few days.

Also, I have a dental appointment today. For some reason, they have me on the 3 times a year schedule, and I don't think I need it. I think I need to get hard-line with them. The only reason they have me on the 3 times a year schedule is that my dental insurance pays for it. The best argument against any dental work is "my insurance won't pay for it, and I can't afford it." This is the one thing my dentist understands, believes, and accepts. Unfortunately, since my insurance pays for the every four months thing, I don't have a great excuse.

I have to admit, I just suck at doing a good job of consistently flossing my teeth. I will do it for the week after my dental appointment, then the few days before my next one. I do brush my teeth every day, twice a day, but I know I could do a better job of it. Since I got a Sonicare, I don't feel like I need to put much effort into it. The brush, she does most of the work. Though this morning, I did a really thorough brushing and now my whole mouth hurts. This makes me think I really don't brush enough most of the time.

I know that I'm totally dentally lucky in a lot of ways. I didn't go to the dentist for 6 years in my 20s, and only had like one cavity. I am piss-poor at flossing, half-assed at brushing, and still I don't really have a lot of dental problems. I have a friend who brushes, flosses, the whole thing, and she still has horrid teeth problems.

What else can I bitch about? Oh yeah, Kiki threw up 3-4 times last night. In fact, one of them was a ginormous puddle of vomit on the place mat. She also threw up on a magazine I had on my desk (that I hadn't read yet). And as usual, Teddy was first on the scene for a little nasty snacking attempt. He's starting to get that when I use a certain tone of voice, he had better stop what he's doing. But as usual, the boyfriend had to pull him off the puke pile while I cleaned it up. Ugh.

Thankfully, therapy starts back up again tonight. Not even that I have a lot of issues, but I like having the pattern of going every Wednesday. And it helps.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

The Good: I weighed in today, and have now lost over 10 lbs with Weight Watchers. This is week 9, I think. There was no week 0, so I think I've been doing this for 8 weeks total.

The Bad: Now my points allotment for the day goes down by 1. That is one less apple, or one less portion of dessert, or something. Not too bad but it will be something I'll have to adjust to.

The Ugly: I just ate a Quizno's sandwich and put a bunch of jalapenos on it, and my breath feels nuclear. I am off to mentor someone at the Humane Society, so I should probably brush my teeth first.

Food and Flavours Quiz

I had dinner with my therapy folks last night since our leader is still out. It was good, we went to Macaroni Grill, and I looked up the menu beforehand to see what would fit in my eating plan. I went for the create-your-own pasta option, and that turned out well. I also had a caesar salad with their low-fat caesar dressing and that was really good. It pays to research, I think. And the pasta was huge, ended up taking at least a third of it home.

For some reason, the dinner seemed a little awkward. Maybe because we all hadn't seen each other for a while, and there were a lot of changes. And also, we all kinda talked like we talk in group, and that can be a bit weird in a real social setting. But it was fun too. One of the women got a new job. Another one is progressing with her divorce. I didn't have any news to really report. In a way, I didn't really want to get into being newsy because I feel like it would just be a mind dump and I didn't really want to do that. I'll be glad when therapy starts back up again next week.

I taste like Peanut Butter. I am one of the most blendable flavours; I go with sweet, I go with sour, I go with bland, I go with anything. I am practical and good company, but have something of a tendency to hang around when I'm not wanted, unaware that my presence is not welcome. What Flavour Are You?

The Magician

You are The Magician

Skill, wisdom, adaptation. Craft, cunning, depending on dignity.

Eleoquent and charismatic both verbally and in writing,
you are clever, witty, inventive and persuasive.

The Magician is the male power of creation, creation by willpower and desire. In that ancient sense, it is the ability to make things so just by speaking them aloud. Reflecting this is the fact that the Magician is represented by Mercury. He represents the gift of tongues, a smooth talker, a salesman. Also clever with the slight of hand and a medicine man - either a real doctor or someone trying to sell you snake oil.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Hair Today

Yesterday, I went and got my hair cut at Supercuts. And I was kind of annoyed that it used to be about $10 and now it's $14. I was pretty much the only woman there, and one of the only people who they didn't use clippers on. For a minute there, I was thinking about just having them clipper my hair down to one inch all the way around, just to see what it would look like. That just sounded totally freeing to not have to fuss with it, though I have a feeling if my hair was really that short, it would grow out to be a total Jewfro and I'd look just like Andy Samberg. It would be amusing for five minutes then I'd do a Britney Spears and grab a wig.

So instead of getting a G. I. Jane cut, yesterday I got this sorta bob. I remember back in the '80s, there was this daytime soap called Capitol that my grandmother used to watch, and there was this one woman named Sloan. Sloan had curly hair, like mine only her curls were looser, and she had this great above-the-shoulders haircut that I loved. I totally wanted my hair to be like that, but I was stuck in having my mom decide how my hair was, and that usually involved a basic layered cut that looked like a puffball all around my head. Very '80s, and I think it was pretty much an old-lady hairstyle. I wanted to look cool like Sloan. Though of course, she had a really long neck and was soap-opera beautiful.

What I have now is kinda like a Sloan-cut, though since my hair is a tighter-curl than hers, it looks a little bit different. I've had my hair this short a few times in the last years. One of them is in my friend KJ's wedding video. I went to visit her last fall, and we watched the video, and I kept saying, oh wow my hair looked so cute. And the boyfriend's sister had a video from the first family Christmas I went to, and my hair was just slightly longer than it is now. I kept saying, wow my hair is so cute.

I probably sound like one of those egotistical people who poses for paparazzi all the time (in her mind anyway) and is always fixing her makeup in the middle of the day. I'm really not. Particularly at work, where I can mostly bring myself not to wear sweats every day, but I'm only a small, small step above wearing sweats every day. But my whole life, I've have had struggles with my hair. When I was younger, my mom was in control of my appearance, and it was always that aforementioned puffball look. Then when I was old enough to say what I wanted, I just let it grow and grow and it was too unruly so I had to wear it in a ponytail every day. I had this image that some day, I'd meet a man and would take my hair down for him, all sexy. Then I started to realize that the only kind of guy who would notice something like that would probably be gay. And having constantly tangled hair was a pain in the ass.

I go back and forth on getting my hair cut, because I've never really found a hair-dresser like my mom's guy in LA. I go with my mom to her salon in Virginia when I go to visit her now, and her hairdresser will usually do what I want. I had one of the boyfriend's family members, just out of hair academy, cut my hair a while back. I also had the boyfriend give me a trim. But the Supercuts cut I got yesterday came out just right. It's a little bit short, but there is room for it to grow. And it's long enough to pull back, but short enough to mostly stay out of my way.

Weekend Update

Good day yesterday. I went to weigh-in and have finally broken through a two week plateau. It seemed way too early in my "weight loss journey" to be plateauing like that. Then I went into the Humane Society. I had one or two irritating experiences with "customers" coming in. This one old bat came in looking at the cats, then she asked me how much the adoption fee was. I told her ($155) and she walked away muttering under her breath about how expensive that was, and telling her companion, "how ridiculous, they are just trying to profit." Um yeah, that's why they have linoleum older than me, and the paint is peeling in places, because we are such a money-maker. I kind of felt like running after the woman and calling her a bitch, but I realized that I would not get a lot of sympathy for beating up old people.

However, I spent some time with some lovely cats and that was really a good thing. One of the things that always amazes me is how nice all of the cats are. Yes, some are shy or mouthy or what have you, but they are generally social creatures, interested in having someone pet them, interested in what is going around them. I wouldn't say flat out that animals are better than people, but I think they are definitely way less neurotic and rude.

We did the St. Patrick's Day dinner at the boyfriend's sister's house. I had never had corned beef and cabbage until I met him, and I have to say, it's quite delicious. We brought some corned beef home for Teddy and he loved it.

Now, it's 3 PM and I'm still sitting here in my pajamas. I should get a move on and get some stuff done today.

Amnesty on a Local Level

I often cut down these residential streets when I'm driving to work in the mornings. There is way less traffic, so it saves me some time. Well, I think this week is "Trash Amnesty" week because there's all kinds of weird shit in front of people's houses. Like broken pieces of furniture, automobile parts, huge piles of lawn clippings, and other crap. Stuff that would never sell at a yard sale, not even at the 5 cent table. And yet, there are quite a few people just driving around taking stuff off the piles. I saw a few flat-bed trucks, driving by and taking stuff out of the piles. One truck, the guy was taking a whole bunch of wood pieces from broken furniture. I guess you can burn that stuff, right? I myself saw one or two things that looked kind of cool, and if I hadn't been heading for work, I might have slowed down. The whole thing struck me as a kind of low-rent potlatch, neighbors putting all their junk out and other neighbors coming by and taking it home. Maybe next, the people who took the junk will put the stuff out for Trash Amnesty 2008.

I guess the good thing about living in a complex, is we have a dumpster for our trash. So I just throw whatever in there. And my neighbors, well, they throw all kinds of crap in the dumpster too. So much junk in fact, that sometimes it is full. I have to squeeze my cat-crap-laden bags in between large pieces of furniture. And, I never am ever tempted to take anything out of those dumpsters.

Talk About The Weather

Somehow, we went from winter straight to summer. It's been very hot the last few days here. So hot that the cats were just sitting around like limp balls of fur. So hot that I slept with the window open. The city I live in gets beastly hot frequently in the summer. This week, it's not so bad because it is at least cooling down at night.

Sometimes, I wonder why I'm living here. Because where I live now is climate-wise similar to the Valley in LA. And I spent the most of my childhood mocking the Valley, mocking those who lived there. Not like a serious thing, I mean I didn't beat up people from the Valley or anything. But I always thought, often out loud, who on earth would want to live in that god-forsaken desert. And here I am, as an adult, by choice, living in a similar climate.

I had a really weird dream last night that I was doing a one-woman show. It was a pretty small audience, and I think they found my show boring, because they all kept walking out. I gave pies to the last few people who stayed. I think part of why my show was boring was that it's hard to go from one thing to another in dreams. None of it really made sense. I was talking about Socrates, then about fashion, then something else. I wasn't really annoyed at people for walking out, but I was wishing I could have made it more interesting, if only it could have made sense.

Therapy was canceled last week because our leader was ill, and she might be out ill again this week according to an email I got. I don't mind missing a week here and there, but two weeks in a row still seems like a lot. I don't really feel like I have a lot of issues per se, but it's good for me to think about what issues I might have and talk about them, so bad feelings don't build up.

Somehow, I Lost Two Hours

Last night before I went to bed, I set my clocks back. Then I woke up and remembered, duh, spring forward. So I woke up and saw it was 7, and thought yippee, I can sleep longer. Then I realized it was nine. Crap.

Yesterday, I taught my first training session at the Humane Society. The positive was that I was nowhere near as nervous as I thought I would be. See, I was a very shy person for most of my adolescence. And spending most of my twenties in depression, well I was lacking in self-esteem for the most part. But now, I'm not. I don't think I'm going to become a lecture hall speaker anytime soon, but talking to a group of ten people doesn't really put a ice-trickle down my spine or anything. I was only slightly nervous at the beginning, as in, where do I begin.

I was "shadowed" by the guy who trains me, and I found myself often looking at him for the right direction, but at a certain point I just went off his track and found myself doing things in the way that made sense to me. I infused my teachings with honesty, humor, some self-deprecation, and I think it worked well. I also got lucky in that I got one of those super quiet groups. No one was interrupting me, or grandstanding with their own foolishness. The questions people did ask were good. The cats all behaved themselves too. No cats were harmed in the teachings.

My mom asked me afterwards if I liked doing it, and I said I didn't like or dislike it, but then in thinking about her question later, I realized I did like it. It's kind of exhausting having to wake up early in the morning on the weekend and talk for four hours, but it's kind of cool having everyone's undivided attention. And also, all these people will learn to do things the way that I think is right. That totally appeals to the dictator in me.

I did recognize I had some doubts about my performance. I chalk those up to a desire for perfectionism, and realize, that I too am fallible. But I did a good job.

Get Down with the Cuteness

Kiki is showing off her belly, possibly wanting to be pet.

Teddy is thinking, hrm, lying on the floor looks like fun.

I'm pretty sure Teddy was thinking, must hit Kiki but, oh, too tired to move.

This the Tedster's "you must tell everyone how cute I am" look.

Hormones Run Amok

I was holding off posting to see if I'd be in a better mood later in the week, but thus far, I haven't. I am sure that a large portion of that is hormonal issues, and also, holding my own at work. Ugh. My coworker has now been out 8 working days in a row, and I have a bet with one of my colleagues here that he won't show up tomorrow. We only bet 25 cents, but that counts, right? It's just too weird that he continues to get away with taking off work for weeks at a time.

I took some adorable cat pictures, must remember to upload them at home. The cats have both been being super cute lately. When I get home from work, they usually both come to the door to greet me. And the last few days, Kiki has flopped on her back and rolled around with her paws up. She's almost too cute.

I've been trying super hard not to eat too much junk during my period. At my WW meeting last week, the leader said there are these 100 calorie packs of Hostess cupcakes that are only 1 point. So I went to our local grocery store, trying to find them. I couldn't, but I found some other 100 calorie packs that are pretty good. I got one with these little mint chocolate cookies, and another one of peanut butter cookies. Thankfully, it's not too hard for me to just take one pack out of the box and just eat that one. And I know at least that the boyfriend won't eat the chocolate mint ones since he hates mint.

Cats and Complaints

I called in sick on Friday because I woke up with the sinus headache of the century. Not that I'm totally exaggerating my ailments, oh wait, I am. As of today, I'm not sure if I have allergies or if it's period-related, or some combination of both. In any case, I'm back at work again after resting most of the weekend. I'm sure the cats miss me, particularly Teddy who doesn't have a warm lap to sleep on today.

I'm way behind on celeb gossip, blog commenting, and news in general. I was mostly just vegetating and reading all weekend, except when I went to the Humane Society on Saturday. It was one of those days where I just got irritated at people. Because when people surrender their cats, they fill out paperwork, and I had to read too many stupid papers made by stupid people. I guess I don't think that there is really any good reason to give up a pet, but some are better than others. There were a few people who just gave up their cats because of peeing, which can be a medical issue, but also a treatable behavioral issue. The worst of these, well, they had a 13 year old cat and then they had a child, and the cat had some issues with the child. So they said. What I think is, they spent years treating this cat like a baby, and then when they had a real baby, they ignored the cat. And cats aren't stupid, this cat thought it knew the source of the problem, the baby. It's sad all around, for everyone in this situation. And it sucks that a 13 year old cat who seemed perfectly snuggly sweet to me is now going to have to wait to be adopted. Cats over 10 have a hell of a time getting adopted.

A lot of people ask me, "is it hard to work with some animals knowing they will be put down?" I have to say that the HSSV is very good about not putting animals down unless they are completely unadoptable (e.g. bite people and break the skin). But I know that it's a totally stressful environment for the cats. To go from being someone's beloved pet to being a rejected animal sucks. I was playing with this one cat this weekend, and I stuck my head in her kennel, and I realized how small it would seem to an animal who was used to running around a big house. And how the cats don't really know what they did wrong to end up in this situation, aren't really able to understand what is wrong. I know cats aren't like dogs in that they don't always seem to respond to disapproval, but I know they don't like being locked up all day.

This past week, I have been especially irritable. Thus far, I'm blaming it on my period. Because that's better than just saying, oh everything in my life is irritating. It isn't quite that bad. But my coworker has been out again, and it's me running the show. It gets old pretty quickly.

Cat-a-tonic

I woke up 30 minutes early today to take Kiki to the vet to get her teeth cleaned. It's weird how waking up just 30 minutes earlier makes the whole day seem different. Somehow, I got to work earlier, even after spending 20 minutes at the vet getting her signed in. I was quite tempted to just hang out in the parking lot listening to NPR, but then I saw a coworker I actually like so I walked in with her.

It was totally heart-wrenching for me, waiting to hear how she was doing. They said they'd call around noon, but I just called them because I hadn't heard anything. And they said she's fine. The vet also said what a sweet cat she is. They don't just say that to get extra money; Kiki is a sweetheart. It's kind of sad how she's shy with my friends coming over because they don't get to experience her personality that much. However, Teddy totally makes up for that. He walks right up to people and seems to ask, what did you bring me?

This morning Teddy almost had a conniption, because I couldn't feed Kiki breakfast, so I had taken the dry food bowls away and didn't feed him. He kept coming in the kitchen like, uh, don't you remember that you are supposed to feed this cute little kitten! He was rolling on the rug in cute ways, walking back and forth around my legs, and generally being as cute as he possibly could. Hopefully the boyfriend woke up on time and actually fed Ted, though I have a feeling that Teddy would have made something happen if it hadn't already.

Thankfully, I'm blowing out of here a little early and should be picking up Kiki by 5.